-

Is the road we walk worth it?

Accomplishments

I guess I'm over it, sort of.


I actually find a sick sort of joy in seeing others' reactions when I tell them I practically failed oral. (Well technically it's a pass, but, yeah)
Call me sadistic, but it's so unbelievable that I can laugh, really, if not for the fact that I shut down so completely yesterday that I couldn't even find the energy to feel any strong sort of emotion towards it.



But the dread of facing English again remains, and I really really don't want to feel that way.
I've just recently gotten used to the feeling of having lessons without anyone I know at all, and the dread is just going to weigh me down even further.

It's tiring to feel so sick going to class, like I haven't done any homework and I'm facing the consequences. Like a kindergarten student who clings on to their parent with streaming eyes on their first day of school.


-




On a lighter note, I am actually very pleased with today because:

1. I went to school early at 8.30, 2.5 hours before my lessons for the day actually start! :)
*beams

Okay fine the real reason was because I can't be bothered walking all the way to school myself and calculating the time I have to wake up, prepare and walk to school, it turned out that I won't actually have the time to do anything before I have to head for school.
So I figured I might as well let my mum drop me off in the morning! Heheeee.



2. I did spend those 2.5 hours very wisely okay! I very diligently finished up Biology Chapter 1 glossary (although the rest of the world have probably already done so weeks ago)
The Old Lynn would have stayed at home and slept/used the computer. But I am Old Lynn no more!
I am now New Lynn. I am New and Hardworking Lynn!



I actually feel really really satisfied when I see all the words I have written, all the knowledge that I have gained in that 2 hours.
This is only two pages of my overall 5 pages okay! Don't play play.



3. I finally got my Year12 badge today! :DDDD



I can now flaunt my authority among all the new Year11s who walk around all high and mighty in their new blue jumpers. HA I have a badge they don't! Lalala.



4. Today marks the first time in the four years I have taken bio that I managed to examine something under the microscope!
Omg this is a super great achievement okay, because I have never been able to find the specimen under the microscope.
I have always ended up looking at this random stick and my own eyelashes in the round ball of light and TODAY I MANAGED TO FIND THE SPECIMEN BY MYSELF!


Please congratulate me. (:

-

Today was a great day, very fine in fact.


1. We had a Bio quiz in the morning.
The very word quiz sounds so minor and not worth studying. Hence, no one studied for it.

It turned out like shit.


2. Then we went on to have Spesh quiz after lunch.
Okay, it wasn't too bad because there were no proofs and really, that's all that matters.


3. English was the most exciting.
We all got back our oral results and I got D.




Please leave your comments in the tagboard.

For Tienyi

I am currently drowning under the panic of having to take a quiz tomorrow about a chapter of which I have no idea about, having to finishing 1.5 chapters of chemistry questions on one night (we all know I'll probably fall asleep after doing about 0.5 of the chapters) and having ignored all the other homework I had just to concentrate on said panic attacks.


Obviously, they aren't working very well, because I got bored and turned on the computer, and went happily to Blogthings to play quizzes.




Then I chanced upon this certain quiz, which apparently tells you what you think of your friends. You put in the first name that comes to your mind when you see the colour, and they tell you what that colour is associated with.







I almost died of laughter was very excited when I saw that Tienyi was my soulmate.





Go take the test too! Then I shall know whose soulmate I am.
By some twist of fate, maybe I'll be Tienyi's soulmate too. :D

Of birthdays and tags

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YICHIEN! :D

I won't write anything here, because I've already destroyed the whole card with my very meaningful rantings and... um. You haven't seen the card yet.
I promise I HAVE sent the card, it's just, um... sitting somewhere in the postbox now because the postman doesn't work on Saturdays.
It will arriveeeeeeeeee soon!

-


I was very shocked yesterday when Sharon started a conversation on MSN with me with

●。.·` ． says:
dam you lynn


While I sat there panicking what on earth I'd done to be condemned in such a way, she went on to say

●。.·` ． says:
your blogs too good that i can't stop reading them and start my hw



Awwwwwwwwwwww I'm so touched la! :D :D :D :D

-



I don't actually have anything to blog about today, so I shall just make use of the ultimate blog filler: Tags!
There have been so many flying all around Facebook recently and I haven't bothered doing any of them (because I'm too busy doing homework of course) until now!

So here we go! :D



1. Were you named after anyone?
I'm unique! :D Seriously, try finding someone else with the exact same name as me. :D


2. When was the last time you cried?
This afternoon, when my mum was cutting about a million onions and I was unfortunate enough to walk into the kitchen at that time.


3. Do you like your handwriting?
Only with my lovely 0.38/0.28 pens! My handwriting looks disgusting if I write with say, a 1.0 pen.


4. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? If not, do you want one?
Shhhh. It's a secret boyfriend!


5. If you were another person would you be friends with you?
This is a dumb question. Who would say no?


6. Do you use sarcasm?
Do I?


7. How do you want your life to be in a couple of years? (realistically please)
Finishing Uni I suppose.


8. Would you bungee jump?
Never.


9. What is your favourite cereal?
Cornflakes! :)


10. Do you untie your shoelaces when you take your shoes off?
No. But once when I was buying school shoes, I was about to take them off without untying the knots and the person glared at me and told me it would spoil their shoe.


11. Would you move again?
I can't possibly stay in the same house for the rest of my life.


12. What is the first thing you notive about people?
Their most prominent feature? :D


13. Red or pink?
Depends what they are on.


14. What is the least favourite thing of yourself?
I AM VERY UNHAPPY ABOUT MY HAIR. My hair used to be long and straight when I was about 10 years old, then for some reason I decided to chop it off and it has been wilted and dead ever since.


15. What do you miss most?
The camaraderie we used to have.


16. Who do you miss most?
I miss everyone! :(


17. Do you want everyone to complete this list?
Unless they want to type everything out again? (Highlighting is disabled on this blog.)


18. What colour pants and shoes are you wearing right now?
Who says I am?


19. What are you listening to right now?
The voice in my head.


20.What annoys you most?
The incessant voices in my head.


21. Favourite smells?
I can't actually think of my favourite right off the top of my head (there's too many random ones), but I like the smell of sesame oil. (HAHAHA it's strange, but I loveeee it la!)


22. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Um, Richa? When they called to tell us that they (Shireen and Richa) were late and MISSED THE BUS. D:


23. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
I love Cheryl! :D

24. Favourite sports to watch?
Tennis! (Mens' are better, because it's faster :) And maybe swimming? Basically, I like individual sports more. I don't like to watch team games.


25. Hair colour?
Black.


26. Eye colour?
Black as well. D: It seems everyone's eyes are at least brownish in some way, mine is so black I can't even see the pupil. Quite sad.


27. Do you have any major regrets?
None that I cry over every night.


28. Favourite food?
I like food. :)


29. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings. I have only ever watched half a full on horror movie before, and that was at Deyong's house, when Zihui forced us all to watch Shutter and then we all freaked out halfway through and stopped. We then proceeded to find solace in Doraemon.


30. Last movie you watched, and with whom?
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with Irene!


31. What colour shirt are you wearing?
Blue.


32. Summer or winter?
No question about it, definitely winter.


33. Hugs or kisses?
By the right person, it doesn't matter which does it? :)


34. Most likely to respond?
To my name.


35. Least likely to respond?
To, um, someone else's name?


36. What book are you reading now?
I am supposed to be reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, which I borrowed off Irene about two months back but haven't got the chance to read.


37. What is on your mouse pad?
I don't have one.


38. What did you watch on tv last night?
CSI? I can't remember when it was. I think it was the previous night.


39.What little things make you happy?
Tags (comments :)


40. Rolling stones or Beatles?
Neither. I am ABSOLUTELY SICK OF BEATLES because my brother's like crazy about them and blasts their songs everyday.


41. What is the furthest you have been from home?
Define home. I've lived in more than one country.


42. Do you have a special talent?
I like to think that I can fly.


43 Where were you born?
Burma.


44. Whose answers are you most looking forward to get back?
I won't bother repeating.


45. How did you meet your spouse/significant other?
In my dreams.



:D

Third day

Deakin Flying Start Day 3


Third and final day of non-school was quite anti-climatic, we didn't do anything except watch a movie called Lars and the Real Girl, which was about this guy (Lars) who suffers from a delusional disorder and thinks that a life-sized doll (named Bianca) is his girlfriend.


Quite disturbing if you ask me.



He brings her around in a wheelchair, and talks to her and everything.
In the end, Lars wakes up one day to find that Bianca was unconscious and unresponsive (which is quite a weird concept to grasp because, well, technically, she is a doll and dolls are generally unresponsive at all times. In fact, it would have been pretty scary if it actually talks to you but yeah)
She is then rushed to hospital in an ambulance .______.
She dies in the end, and a funeral was actually organised for her.


HAHAHA it was quite hilarious because the scene just before she dies is when Lars kisses the doll for the first time, and the whole theatre was like ohmygod he is going to kiss the DOLL?! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeurgh!



And with that, our three days at Deakin came to a spectacular end, with the whole level singing happy birthday during assembly for some random person. (I didn't even know who the birthday person was. Everybody just started singing and clapping all of the sudden)

-



I'd actually grown quite used to taking the bus and tram for these past three days already!
After the buses to and from Deakin, I actually miss all those times when my house was too far for walking and public transport was taken for granted; Taking bus everyday back hom from school!
It actually is quite nice to just sit on the bus and watch all the people exchange on and off the bus.
At every stop, people alight, but immediately, different people come on to replace them.




Speaking of which, a few days back, Tienyi posed us all a question on her blog:

Nothing in this world is irreplacable. Do you agree?



Naturally, everyone's answer was no. You can't replace people, you can't replace this, you can't replace that.
But truth be told, none of us could really find a truly valid and solid example.


Then YihRue told us what we've always taken for granted and forgotten - Memories are irreplacable.


It's true isn't it? :D

-



So anyway, Sheryl, Tienyi, Shireen and I went over to Box Hill today.......



Where we got insulted for NO REASON by this random lady standing near some stupid escalator.
No, actually, she was standing next to some dustbin, and NOT MOVING.
So we assumed she planned to enjoy the dustbin's company for a little while more and walked past in front of her.

And she very angrily said we had no manners.
The exact quote was "No manners in school children these days"


Not only was it totally uncalled for (we didn't even do anything!), she stalked off in a fit of anger after saying that.
Needless to say, it was very insulting to be lumped together with the so-called 'mannerless school children these days" for no apparently reason. :(



BOX HILL SHALL BE BOYCOTTED FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.
Hmph.




While waiting for the bus, we then decided to take photos, in the hope that we can use our very nonexistent talented skills in editing photos to make it into one awesome group photo.


It failed miserably.


The lighting for mine and Shireen's picture was so bad that we ended up looking like the orange martians that had just descended from Mars while Tienyi and Sheryl were happily smiling away in their perfectly white photo.


Very good job I would say. :D

Second day

Last night was the FIRST NIGHT in weeks that I slept at 10-something.
I initially planned to sleep at a nice and early time of about 10.15, but the time ended up being dragged to 10.49.
I just made it to bed before the clock struck 11.

Hurray.



So much for a peaceful+restful+fulfilling night of sleep, I somehow dreamt that I was staying in a hotel/camp-like thing and there was a fire of some sort which burnt everything RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING WHERE I WAS STAYING.
I actually remember feeling quite horrified to see the totally burnt expanse of land literally right in front of my eyes.


I can only imagine how seeing the aftermath of the bushfire can be.
Your whole house, everything you've ever owned gone poof into the air just like that.



The fires in Wilson Promontory are still burning. D:


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Deakin Flying Start Day 2



We actually intended to go to Deakin as early as we did yesterday.
We arrived at the bus stop at 7.25, but somehow managed to miss a bus that came 10 minutes later (at 7.34).
It's all the bus driver's fault, really.
He drove off while we were walking towards it to board it. D:

But by some twist of fate, missing that bus also had its perks, as the driver of the bus that we took in the end let us ride for FREE (we didn't have to buy a ticket wheeeeee!)
SEE he is so kind unlike the horrible driver who ignored us and drove away.

Yes and we arrived at Deakin at a perfectly normal time of 8.20. :)




First session was Challenges in the Oval.
I actually think this is the best session of all that I've been to so far, because we were actually doing something, as oppopsed to listening to lecture after lecture, reading powerpoint after powerpoint.

We played three games overall but unfortunately, I have decided that I shall not blog about them because Tienyi is looking to spy on my blog and find out what games she will be playing tomorrow.
HA NICE TRY I SHALL NOT BLOG ABOUT IT LALALA.



In between the games, I was sitting very peacefully on the grass (which was actually horribly dry and flaky and overall quite unpleasant to sit on) ignoring all the guys who were stupidly running around tackling each other for the fun of it.
THEN I was suddenly aware of the fact that one of them was running at top speed towards me and there was definitely no way he can possibly stop in time before he crashed into me.
I sort of freaked out and froze there and guess what he did.


HE JUMPED OVER ME OMG.
Like, he literally leaped over my head.




His friend saw, laughed his head off and told him "That was totally unnecessary"
YES I AGREE.
What kind of idiot runs at top speed towards and jumps over a PERSON sitting on the floor?




Session 2 was Deakin Talk, where the person attempted to promote Deakin university to us.
It wasn't all too bad in a sense, because it wasn't like she tried to push Deakin on us and stuffed our faces with Deakin courses and more courses.
She talked about university in general, and encouraged us to go on to Uni after Year12.
To me it didn't really make much of an impact because 1. I AM going to university, I have never considered not going. 2. My brother is already in Deakin.




Third session was just sad.
We had a Guest Speaker, who was apparently a motivational speaker of some sort.
I'm sorry to say but it wasn't very.. motivating.
There was no conviction in what she was saying. She was just reading!
(Now I know how I must have sounded like yesterday, oh no)


Not only did she go on and on and on talking as if she didn't know a full-stop existed, she was literally reciting a 1hour speech that she'd memorised.
And the slides were so cheesy I almost couldn't stand it.
She told us to set goals, believe in ourselves, turn negatives into positives, live without regrets and to not give up.


Like I don't know???

Probably because it's just my general distaste for motivational talks; I just don't like being told things like YOU CAN DO IT! YES YOU CAN!
I mean, for a person who gets paid for motivating people, I'm sure they can do better than that.
Glenn Manton was so much better.




Fourth (last) session of the day was Note-Taking, which was an attempt at teaching us how to take notes and make summaries.
It wasn't all too bad other than the fact that the teacher was so annoyingly naggy and stopped whenever someone so much as whispered.


-



Went over to Burwood Kmart with Shireen and Tienyi after Deakin, although the only thing we actually did there was eat Nando's.



Shireen very excitedly stacked our glasses of Vanilla coke admist all our protests that it would fall over.
Not only would our dresses get wet, we'll have to pay for the broken glasses too.





Obviously, she succeeded. :D


-


The trip to kmart has let me finally accomplish something I've been tarrying for so long.
Yay me! :D

First day

Deakin Flying Start Day 1


The day started off in a very unlucky manner, when I was rudely awakened by the sudden realization that I’d left my yellow timetable in school.
The very timetable that was printed specially for these three days to tell us what/where/when exactly our different sessions are.

And it’s not even like I misplaced it and just couldn’t find it anywhere.
I knew EXACTLY where it was: sitting happily in my locker.
I’d specially brought the yellow paper to school, put it happily in my file, and then at the end of the day, went on to happily leave said file in school.
I was resourceful of course, and printed the Deakin map off the internet. :D


Kiasu as we are, we decided to take a super early bus, and ended up arriving at Deakin at about 7.55, with 35 minutes to spare.
35 minutes which we spent looking at all the normal people who arrived at very normal times such as 8.20.



First session for my group was a talk on Managing Anxiety.
I felt it kinda pointless because the more they talked about the symptoms of anxiety, the more anxious I got.
The psychologist kept repeating the phrase “If you or any of your friends show (blah blah example of anxiety symptom), please, you need to GET HELP”
The way she said it was so annoying, she’s talking to us like we’re a bunch of crazy who NEED TO GET HELP.
I am insulted.



Second session was a talk about the calculation of ENTER.
At least, this was much more useful that the anxiety talk.
We learnt the oh-so-complicated process of moderation, and oohed and ahhed at the wonderment of it all.
(Okay we didn’t. Half the people were probably not even listening anyway)



By lunchtime, I was already starting to feel the dread rising up in me, and I regretted asking my mum to make me lunch, because I wasn’t really in the mood to eat it anyway.
Looking at all the happy people frolicking in the sun,k talking about how their orals are over was quite depressing. (and panic inducing)
I ended up going up to the oral classroom really early (Remember? We’re a bunch of kiasu people. I was so afraid I’d get lost and be given 0 for my oral) and sat outside the room like a loner.



When the whole group of people came up, I realized that they were the people who would be staring at me as I present my speech, the people who would condemn me as their most hated person on Earth due to the fact that I would be making a speech about muck up day being banned forever and ever and ever.
I scrutinized their faces really carefully. I needed to know who would hate me when we left the room.
It turned out that there wasn’t anyone I actually know in my group (there were even some guys I’ve never even seen before) so it wasn't too bad.
For lack of things to do, I asked my neighbor (George) what his topic was:

L: So what topic are you doing?
G: Oh, muck up day.
L: (was very shocked) Um, for or against?
G: Against.
L: (faints and dies a horrific death)

I couldn’t really decide whether to rejoice (because we would be two people condemned to the hate fate together) or to despair (because I would be compared to him as his name is before me on the roll meaning he would give his speech before me)
As it turned out, HIS SPEECH WAS SO BLOODY GOOD OKAY I AM VERY ANGRY.
I wilted and shrunk lower into my chair with every sentence he spoke.


Not only did I get another person with EXACTLY THE SAME TOPIC/STANCE as me, unlucky as I’m always am, the person before me spoke very passionately about public transport (his topic)
Compared to him, I probably sounded like some idiotic robot. (Robotic idiot? Same thing)




The strange thing was that after having practiced my speech about 79 times last night, the words have been so deeply ingrained in my head that I felt quite at ease during the actual speech.
It didn’t feel as though the adrenaline pumped as much as last year’s speech.
I guess it’s the building up, the worry, the anxiousness, the beginning that terrifies everyone.
I think after having looked at about 10 pairs of trembling hands before me, it probably sunk in that everyone was just as terrified as I was. (Oh yes, and my neighbour was going crazy talking to himself before his turn. He was like "ohmygod I’m going to die kill me kill me kill me")


It’s just about keeping up the façade, and pushing our fears below the surface.
Now that it’s all over, I kind of actually wish it had been more exciting.
For some reason, I have almost no recollection of my own actual speech at all.
It was like an out-of-body experience, where I’m just talking and talking like a robot being programmed to.
When I sat down, my neighbour told me it was “really good” but obviously I didn’t really believe him because I know that compared to all the others, my speech wasn’t that spectacular.
But I’m quite thankful for that he even bothered to say it. Imagine how it would have been if I'd sat down and they had all whispered among themselves about how I sucked.



I can’t actually believe that something I’ve dreaded for so long is finally over.
It’s funny to think that 2 months ago, I thought that this moment would never arrive.
Now I’m just waiting for it to sink in, that oral is over over over over over over and I never have to present anything to anyone for the rest of the year ever again.

Now I can look forward to the next two days in peace!


Gooooood luck to everyone who are taking their orals tomorrow/Friday, and to those taking their first written SAC tomorrow! (HA SEE I AM SO NICE, I’M NOT LAUGHING)

Flying start

I deserve a break because I have spent the whole time since I've been back home memorising and practicing my speech! :D :D :D

Now I am very happy because I have written my cue cards and my timing is nicely sitting in a moderately safe range... Unless I end up talking like some bullet train tomorrow, which would greatly reduce my timing + marks.
But that's another issue altogether.


For some reason, the panic isn't really rising up in me yet, I guess that'll happen tomorrow during lunch time.
While everyone is enjoying their homemade lunches, I'll be hiding in one corner hyperventilating.
I look forward to that moment. :D




Anyway, Deakin Flying Start tomorrow till Friday.
It is basically a half camp consisting of stupid orals, random teamwork games, a movie which no one has ever heard before, and very useful workshops. Basic camp stuff, just that we don't stay overnight.


It was very amusing because today the principal was telling us about how last year's year12 had very good feedback about the Flying Start, about how they enjoyed it immensely.
Obviously, they would enjoy it even if they were sent to live in a desert, because that would mean no lessons in school and really, that's all that matters.




Today was my one and only school time free period, and Irene (who has the same free as me now) and I decided to go to the library and study.
We happily brought all our books and walked into the library in a very studious mood.
Needless to say, we ended up playing Sudoku and word games from the newspaper for the whole free.

Way to go!
It was very productive.






OH YES OMG WE GOT OUR ID CARDS TODAY AND THEY ARE SO HORRIBLE YOU WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO IMAGINE HOW CATASTROPHIC IT WAS.
TOTALLY NOT WORTH THE $6 OKAY.

They stretched our faces la! STUPID PHOTO COMPANY.

Impending doom?

YAY SO EXICITING we got our oral timetables today and my slot is right in the afternoon of the first day.
I guess it's not too bad, I'm just glad I'm not in the last day because I'll probably die of nerves.
Furthermore, first day = less time for someone to gloat at me.

Just you wait. ;D



So I still have to memorise my speech, write my cue cards and panic over them before I actually get this whole oral over and done with.
My brother came into my room, saw my speech, laughed his head off, and told me grandly that I'll be hated forever. (My speech is against muck up day)
And I thought, oh well, I'm already so below everyone on the social ladder that I might as well go all the way and hit rock bottom.




I don't actually know if anyone I really know is in my oral presentation group, and I can't decide whether it's a good/bad thing.
I mean, if the people were all complete strangers, I'll be the happiest person on Earth because that would give me more room to make catastrophic mistakes without ever having to face them in shame again.
But now I'm probably going to be speaking in front of people I sort of know by sight/name so I make one mistake and they shall remember me as the-girl-who-burst-into-tears-halfway-through-her-oral for the rest of their lives.


Not very flattering.





Okay I'm a goodie good girl, I am studying, I am memorising, I am working.
GOODBYE while I pretend to go and be a model student.

School work (or lack thereof)

I actually attempted blogging quite a number of times these past few days, but I found myself so annoying that I didn't bother publishing the posts.

I have like 7 drafts for the past three days.





Valentine's Day yesterday, but obviously it didn't hold any particular meaning to me.
HAHAHA not only did I coop myself at home, I spent said cooped hours reading Shark Net, which is quite very depressing: I was reading a school book on a very social day such as Valentine's.



Antisocial behaviour aside, I'm SO GLAD Shark Net is finally over! :D
Okay la, it wasn't THAT bad, considering the very negative comments everyone has for it.
Perhaps the most difficult part of the book is the first two pages (the book has one of the most horrible/boring introduction ever) and the first half of the book was kinda blah.
Which actually makes sense, because the first half were all his childhood memories, and they're very random and incoherent.



You know how we all say Shark Net is horrible, how the author has the most boring life story on Earth, but really, are our lives any better?
HAHAHAHA if I wrote a life story, it won't even get published. :D

Technically, my blog is my life story, so maybe I shall attempt getting this published one day, and everyone will buy my Blog Book and study it for their Year 12 English exams and the whole country will know about me.
I'll be a celebrity!




Other than that, this weekend was totally fruitless (unless you count doing about 4 questions of Methods as very productive, which it is okay, each question had like a million parts), a far cry from last weekend when I slaved both days over Methods and Spesh.
The guilt is actually starting to bubble up in me, but it is nothing compared to how I'll feel tomorrow when I step into class and see that I'm the only one left behind, that everyone around me are far far far far far away from me in their exercises already.


The pressure is starting to get to me, it's like building up really slowly, subtly, until one day I won't be able to stand it anymore.
Maybe it's just me, but I can feel the inevitable air of smugness around you whenever I tell you that I am still 2/3/4 exercises behind. Maybe it's disapproval. Maybe it's pity, I don't know.





I'm actually getting quite tired of the school bringing us out and about at least once every week, it is disrupting with my whole getting-used-to-being-back-at-school plan.
Until now we still haven't had a full week of school!!!
Everytime I get slightly into the rhythmn of school and lessons, they have to bring us out to Residential, Swimming Sports, and now Deakin Flying Start.
What the hell?!?!


They might as well organise a campfire every week while they're at it. (Yeah that didn't make sense to me either but, yeah)




Ps. My dad went and bought a whole box of avocadoes yesterday and now we have like 15 of them at home. Does anyone know what I can do with them??? (:

Orange moons

After all the excitement of seeing everyone dressed up in all sorts of costumes yesterday, today felt surprisingly normal considering the fact that it was free dress day and we didn't have to wear uniforms.


It is also quite sad that even on a free dress day, I couldn't escape the realities of school and had to wake up at 7am to walk to school.
Of course, it was due to mad woman hardworking Tienyi who insisted that we shall leave our houses at 7.45 (school starts at 9) so that we can dilligently live up to our social outcasty reputation and study before school.

Of course, we ended up doing nothing anyway.



Much as I complain, it's actually good to go to school early.
At least, it wasn't as deserted as I thought it would be.
I think everyone is still used to the 8.30 school system of last year and naturally just arrives in school long before 9.


There was English double today, and I'm glad that I didn't spend the whole double sitting in one corner by myself.
(I connected with some classmates who were sitting nearby, by answering their questions about Harry Potter. Seriously, how can anyone even forget the names of all the books? I regret to say that compared to them, I sounded like some HP obsessed freak who can remember every single minute detail about all 7 books. Not a very nice image to have)



Anyway, so halfway through the lesson, someone got summoned to the VCE centre, and came back with a bouquet of roses. (Okay it was more like 3 stalks, BUT STILL)
SO COOL OKAY.
It would have been quite hilarious if she'd been trying to recall what crime she has commited, what rule she has broken, only to find out that she was called out of class just to get roses.


-


Irene just told me to look out the window at the moon, and OMG IT WAS ORANGE IN COLOUR.
Like, bright orange!!
It's probably because of all the fire and smoke in the air (the air did look quite smokey in school today) but this is so cool! :D

Now I want to see a green moon. :D

Swimming Carnival

Today was annual Rotfest day.

But I’m glad to say that it wasn’t as rotty as last year, because unlike last year, I am now a Year 12. We all know that such school events are all about Year 12s. Year 12s get to dress up, Year 12s get to jump into pool, basically Year 12s rule the school.



Swimming aside, I think the main attraction of this event is the costumes.
Every school event is like a mini fancy dress party.



I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I got roped into being a ninja for the day.
I walked out of the house donned in full black attire like a mass murderer about to ambush small little children.
Okay fine. I was like a badly disguised clown trying to be a mass murderer but ANYWAY.



Went over to the Monash Aquatic Centre with Tienyi and Sheryl, and on the way we passed by two blue guys who were walking on the road.
Like, seriously they were painted blue from head to toe.



The first picture I took when I reached happened to be a stalker photo of Bhav and Andrew! :D



This would have been a great eyes-only-for-each-other-in-the-middle-of-a-busy-street photo if not for the askjdaoisdasdas person who came and stood beside Bhav just as clicked the shutter button and DESTROYED MY PHOTO.
Stupid person.
(By the way, this photo is 100% natural okay! It wasn't posed!)




Costumes (that I managed to take a picture of anyway, which isn’t really a lot)



This is Tienyi, who, as you can see, was a ninja fairy.
She couldn't decide whether to be a ninja or a fairy, so the best solution was to fuse both, resulting in a rather odd unique combination of black clothes and white wings.




Irene and Rachel went as nerds, which was actually quite authentic with the glasses and socks and everything.
Irene will probably kill me if I post an individual photo of her, so here’s a group picture of Rachel, Tracy, Irene and Minji. (:




Shireen and Richa were dressed as dancers (?) with flowy skirts and they look really cool okay.
This picture is very niceeeeeeeee (thanks to niceeeeeeee photographer ie. me)



There were other people dressed as cheerleaders, fairies, netballers (oddly, they were guys), pink cupids (overly used idea), tennis players, superheroes, jungle people, bees, firemen (women?). And there was this group of guys who wore ladies’ swimsuits (wasn’t very... manly)
Basically, it was any and all costumes one can think of.


I’m actually quite amazed by the level of enthusiasm put in by everyone, considering the elaborateness of all the costumes.
I mean, I wouldn’t really bother to go out of my way to buy a whole new set of clothes and accessories just for one day of walking around like a policeman.




So after all the initial excitement of seeing everyone in costume, we all settled down into the actual rotting festival.
It would have been great to sit on the grass and ignore cheer on the people who were swimming if not for the fact that the grass was so incredibly dry that they were so flaky and just plain annoying.
It was like having sand in your eyes, except, well, it’s grass.




Then came the most important event of the day: where all the Year12s jump happily into the pool.
It is actually a very important event, because only the Year12s get to jump in and you know, it just asserts the power we have.
Like, ONLY WE ARE ALLOWED TO JUMP IN HAHAHAHAHA kind of power/authority.



Obviously, I wasn’t crazy (or social) enough to join in. For one, I didn’t have extra clothes (nevermind that I knowingly did not bring them), and I have quite an intense fear of throwing myself into the pool with a huge splash.






It was actually quite funny, because Irene and I were one of the only ones standing there that did not jump in (we were taking photos) and we felt so extra staring at all those people laughing and screaming in the pool.

This went on for about 5 minutes before everyone resurfaced and dripped water all over perfectly dry people like us.


-



And with that, Swimming Carnival goes poof into the air together with camps.


Back to school tomorrow, great life ahead.
Orals next week.



Ohmygod.

Joy

YAY MY INTERNET IS FINALLY FIXED AFTER ABOUT 3792 YEARS OF LIVING IN ISOLATION FROM THE WORLD.

Although that is proving to be more of a hindrance, because I'm starting to get increasingly distracted from homework by the wonderful world of Internet (and MSN)




And I have very exciting news! I've TOTALLY finished (written) English holiday homework and I am readyyyy to hand it in tomorrow!
(LOL I sound like that overly eager/enthusisatic student that everyone hates)


It was very interesting, because I finally completed the part about writing a childhood memory, then asking someone else about it to see if what they remembered was the same as my version of events.
It wa coooooooooooool to see that other people remembers things that I have totally no recollection of and vice versa.



That makes me wonder what memories everyone has of me.
Imagine if I go to some school reunion 20 years down the road and realise that everyone remembers all the horrible bits about me.

How depressing would that be.

School

So today was photo-taking day.
Much as I laughed my head off at how they photoshopped all of us into one humongous Year Level photo, I am sad to say that we are probably not even going to get that this year.

The school hired a new company for our school photos, and it's quite sad la, I mean THIS IS MY LAST YEAR IN SCHOOL and I'm not even going to get a photo of my class/level. D:
They said they are going to compile all our individual photos, so in my mind, seriously, all I can imagine is this huge collage of smiling faces.

Which, well, isn't a very nice image.
We'll look like some overly cheesy advertisement.



Anyway, there must have been something wrong with my face, because while everyone else got their photos done and perfected in at most 2 shots, I ended up taking 6-7 shots.
It was quite awkward because there was this WHOLE LINE of people waiting behind me and I was clogging up the line.
Not only did I take 7 shots, the photographer wasn't contented with the final photo anyway.
She tried changing the lighting and everything, but in the end she gave up and said that's the best we can get.

I couldn't see what exactly was wrong with my photo, but now that she has said that, I'm fearing the worst.
Maybe my ID card will turn out to be the worst card ever printed on Earth.
So much for my immense satisfaction with my ID card last year.
I'm going to end up with a horrible horrible one this time.





After the whole weekend of intense maths homeworking, I feel just that little more back into the system, and the feeling of floating around aimlessly in classes has faded minimally.
Really, I would really love school if not for the fact that we are having our orals next week and I think I'm going to die because I have no mental preparation for it at all.
Last year we wrote our speeches happily in class, practiced it and everything weeks before the actual day.

Its curious lack of mention among students and staff really has sucked out all the feeling of anticipation! D:




And I am getting quite worried- I still haven't finished reading Shark Net!!!
This is the first time ever that I'm going for a class and listening to the teacher discuss about a book which I haven't even completed. ):

Global warming?

While I sit here comfortably in my home, it's hard to imagine that there are hundreds (thousands?) of courageous fire fighters out there trying to bring down the 200 000 hectare inferno blazing across north Victoria. (For general interest, 200 000 hectare is more than twice the size of Singapore)

While I sit here worrying about the completion of maths homework, there are people worrying for their lives, their children's, their relatives', their friends'.



Even more surreal is the fact that a place I was at merely months ago is now totally burnt down. D:


I can't imagine what it's like to have your whole house (whole TOWN) burnt down by a bushfire, to flee for your lives. Nor can I imagine how it's like to have barely a few metres of visibility due to the suffocating thick smoke around you.
Like some things, it's just hard to believe unless you're there.



On the other end of the spectrum, floods are continuing to devastate Queensland.
It's funny how two very different disasters can be happening at the same time, in the same country.
If only we can mix the two situations together! The fire will be put out and the water will be gone! D:


Thank god the temperatures are starting to drop.
Low 20s this week! Finally a respite from the heat.

Thoughts of the week

I have decided that I am never going to put warnings for the content of my blog posts.
Whether it's going to be filled with 200 photos, or whether it's going to be a blow-by-blow account of a day I had which you probably won't be able to understand unless you were there, or whether I'm just going on a roll and ranting about the horrors of school life.

This is my blog, and I shall talk about anything I want, and you are welcome to read it.


Thank you.




(Yeah this is a particularly whiny and disjointed long post)


-




Tienyi announced today that she is contemplating stopping blogging altogether/deleting her blog because it really is becoming too much of a chore.
I am quite inclined to agree, since it has only been 2 days into official Year12 lessons and I think I'm already crumbling under the pressure.

I'll probably be like a mashed potato even before the term ends.
Mashed potato = totally squashed.
Um, yeah.




Everyone always said the leap form Year10 to Year11 is the hardest - Once you get into the VCE system, you'll be pretty much alright.
I have certainly not experienced Year10 here in Australia, so I'm not really one to judge.
But really, isn't the leap from Year11 to Year12 just terrifying?


I'm not really sure what to blame.
Is it the 3 months holiday which just made me totally switch off? Is it that I'm not really adjusted to the fact that I am a bloody Year12 and it's about time I start studying 5 hours a day? Or is it because I'm just not ready?

Two full days of lessons, and I still can't program myself to think that school has started.
I feel like I'm just drifting around the halls, the classrooms, the school.
Two days of lessons, and I'm already falling behind.
Yes, two days, and it's like this year is never going to end.


What does it feel like to be a Year12 anyway?
Frankly, I don't feel particularly different.
When we were small and young little students, the seniors always seemed big and authoritative, fully in control of what they were doing.
It certainly did not seem like what I'm feeling now.



This vicious cycle of lethargy is merciless, and I can't seem to bring myself to a perfectly normal pattern of life again.
You could have told me school has begun for a month and I wouldn't have questioned it.
It felt so long since that time where we were lining up for our locker allocations.



It's the worst feeling in the world to know that you have to study, to do homework, to revise, but not having the energy nor motivation to do so.


Acknowledging the problem is the first step no?

-



The school is dumb.
Isn't it totally pointless that they impose all these stupid rules last year saying that you can only take 6 subjects if you get all As?
Especially now they throw it all out the window and say that they have a 5 subject policy, and force students with 6subjects to drop one.

Yeah it's obvious that they want to ensure they don't lose their ranking due to the bad results they think we will get if we take and can't cope with 6 subjects. (Although now I really am starting to feel thankful that they refused to give me a 6th subject. I think I'll become a splatter of potato juice if they did. - Please refer to analogy above about mashed potato)

I believe they can do it, so why can't the teachers believe it too?

-



After all the gloom and misery yesterday, things were pretty much put into perspective today.
I mean, seriously, what are the odds?
Maybe I should just sit it out and enjoy.

I'm sick of avoiding, pretending.



We watched Amazing Race during English today.
I was actually gloating really happily about it to Tienyi (who was writing random history notes while I was watching reality tv shows) until I found out that every single English class is watching Amazing Race.
So much for exclusivity.

-



I just can't seem to muster the energy nor excitement for the Swimming Sports next week, and the guilt is starting to eat me up from inside.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.


I really suck.

Exhaustion

Today just proved the overall suckiness of school. (In addition to said suckiness, since 9.45, I spent the whole bloody day in the same classroom. Suffocating.)

I don’t really know where it all went wrong, but suddenly I find this feeling of dread dragging me under, right down into the dark depths of despair.

Maybe it’s just because I had a really long and quiet walk home alone and, really, too much time alone isn’t very good. It makes your mind wander into those deep and murky areas you’ve always tried to ignore, and alone time, yes, that’s when they come back to haunt you. Maybe seeing mskry just brought back everything I had chucked in one corner, all the cracks that I had oh-so-carefully sealed with pasty white glue. Like bright neon lights, they are impossible to miss. Maybe... it’s just my ridiculous aversion to change.

If I could survive uprooting everything I’ve ever had and moving 7 hours away, why can’t I survive a mere change of schedule? That’s all it is, isn’t it? Schedule. Nothing more, nothing less. For a moment, I pretend not to know the answer. I pretend that I was just as clueless as anyone. But I can’t fool myself.

What are blogs for really? Wasn’t it created as an avenue for self-expression, self-reflection? But what is the point, if we all feel compelled to filter our thoughts, carefully avoiding the very things that are bothering us. We don't mention names, we don't talk about anything that we really want to. If we so much as venture into a negative flow of thought, we try to justify ourselves by hiding behind the words “I’m emoing”. How senseless. “Oh, don’t talk to me, I’m emoing!” I hate emo. I hate the invention of the word emo. I hate the usage of the word emo. When you really think about it, emo doesn’t necessarily have to mean sad/depressed/down/upset/whatever. Emo derives from the word emotional, and we all know that it has positive connotations too. Doesn’t that mean that I can be described as emo when I’m bursting with joy?

Even while writing this, I’m disgusted at myself for writing so much, yet so little. There really are so many things I want to say, to tell, to share, but inevitably, I stop myself. I hate all these ambiguousness, this dancing around the real issue at hand.

Sometimes, I feel like such a fraud.

Random insights

Omg so cool so cool so cool!

I just saw someone from our level working as a walker (like me!) and giving out newspapers (like me!) to my house!
Lalalala.

Um, I kinda don't know his name, but I can recognise him! (:



My mum was sitting at the computer, then she mentioned that there was this mother-son pair standing in front of our letterbox with a whole trolley of newspapers.
Being the kaypoh people we are, we all looked out the window (LOL) and I was quite surprised to see that I recognised him.
I mean, he just came back from camp today and he is so nice to help his mum (or is it his mum helping him?) send newspapers lor!




Oh, imagine if I were walking and someone looked out the window and saw that I was delivering them their newspapers/catalogues.
Ohmygod I'll be labelled as The Walker forever ._____.


Very interesting to see that there were people I knew who were walking too okay!



Ps. I have sort of finished the oral draft already okay! I rock.
Pss. OH NO 43degrees max on Saturday! I THOUGHT THE HEAT IS OVER FOREVER I FEEL SO CHEATED. I HATE THE WEATHER.

Residential

Back from camp! :D

Frankly, I don't have any interesting/exciting/sensational stories that I'm bursting to share.
This is one of the least eventful (and shortest) camp I've ever been to, which was only made worse by the fact that we were sent to live in a forest.

Sort of.




Partly due to the heatwave last week which killed half the plants in Victoria, La Trobe University had the appearance of a dying village.
All the grass was yellow, the buildings were brownish and unattractive, and it was deserted (although that is probably because it's the holidays but anyway. It was like a ghost town!)



Despite the not-very-promising look, the rooms turned out quite reasonable.
I was quite surprised that we all get our own rooms, because that would mean that they need to provide us all with about 300 hundred rooms- not a very small number.
And the keys were really cool, they didn't have jagged lines like most, but instead, it was just a plate of metal which seemed to look the same as the other 300 keys, but opens only specific doors!
Much like those hotel keycards, just that they are metal.


I guess they have achieved the whole point of Residential in the first place: to let us experience and feel how University life is like, staying in dorms, walking around the campus and such.
It's just that they chose the wrong location to do it.






We spent the day with quite crappy talks (There was a relaxation exercise where we laid on the floor and imagined we were at the place we wanted to be. Most of us fell asleep), VCE administrative stuff (where they crammed about 100 people into the tiniest lecture hall on earth and made us sweat our heads off), and "team-building games" (forming a perfect square with rope while being blindfolded. Yes, very exciting.)



Probably the most interesting part of the camp was where we had a guest speaker, Glenn Manton, who told us his life story which was very cool and very exciting and totally unlike all the other droning motivational speakers who go on and on reading different variations of "YOU CAN DO IT!" from a powerpoint slide.


Although I later found out that practically everyone has already heard the same story 2 years ago when he spoke to them as Year 10s, so it seems I was one of the only ones who heard the story for the first time.





We all trooped over to a perfectly nice and air-conditioned movie theatre at night to watch Coach Carter, an inspirational movie starring Samuel Jackson and the guy from Step Up (I forgot his name, but everyone was whooping whenever he appeared on screen half naked, so I guess he must be quite famous)
The movie wasn't that spectacular, but it's alright.
At least we didn't end up watching a documentary about plants... Or the sea. Or VCE. (the horror!)







Normal as the camp was, there was something about it that made me really feel like I was part of the entire Class of 09'.
Maybe it was because just for these two days, we were no longer jumbled up together with the rest of the VCE blue sweater-ed Year11s anymore. Or maybe because we were all suffering together in a deserted area with yellowing grass, but it occurred to me suddenly that we were a Class, we were a team (omg I cringe at the cheesiness, but really lor!) and we were graduating together! :D


It does have a certain bittersweet feeling to it, that although I know only about 40% of all the people, it is going to be sad to see that we were all going to go our ultimate separate ways at the end of the year.
That we weren't ever going to camps together anymore.


It's strange to think we are only 3 days into Year12 and the Last's were already happening.
It was our last camp, soon it's going to be our last swimming sports, last sports day, last Valentines' Day, last yearly social event (Formal), last casual day, last SAC, last assembly, last lesson, last day, last time wearing the uniform, last exam. D:


I don't know why I sank into such a sappy mood but it feels quite dumb to be going on about the end when the it is barely the beginning.





For now, my only concern should be finishing my Oral draft.
I have a feeling msS will eat me up tomorrow.

New beginnings

First of all...............

OMG YAY NADAL WON!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDD

Lalalalalala unlike Tienyi who turned her back on him the moment she found another idol in Federer, I stayed loyal to Nadal okay!

And he won!
He is only 22 and has won 6 Grand Slam titles! (When Federer was 22, he has only won 1)



He is so nice okay, he comforted Federer when the latter got too overwhelmed by his loss and broke down on stage. (Although being comforted by the person who just defeated him and stole his chance at a 14 Grand Slam record equaliser isn't really very... helpful.)
BUT HE TRIED!
Nadal didn't gloat happily in front of him lor.



Heh he is my new idol.
This would actually be the point where I find a nice picture of him and paste it up for every to gaze at my new idol... But I'm lazy. So yeah. (:


-





First day of school today!


1. Top locker!
Okay la, I wasn't that lucky.
Given my luck (or lack thereof), if they allocated the lockers to us by our ID numbers, I'll probably get the bottom locker.
It was quite anti-climatic after all the anticipation of guessing who our locker partners will be, it turned out that we get to choose out own lockers.

When I went into the lcoker area, there were so many empty ones that I didn't really know what to choose. :D
As it turned out, Siu chose the locker beside mine, and Melody's is below!
Lalalala, of course, we were always fated to stand at our lockers together and, um, take our books?



2. Horrible horrible timetable.
I AM VERY VERY SAD OKAY.
I have no classes with Tienyi, Shireen, Bhav, Richa, Sheryl, Rachel etc. etc you get the idea. D:



3. Horrible horrible timetable (part 2)
I WANT MRWILSON AND MSPAP OMG I AM VERY VERY VERY SAD NOW.
It wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't even teaching Year 12, but THEY ARE.
If I were to choose two teacher I want to teach me this year in Year12, it would be them
aksljdkoasudopaishfasd.
Now half my teachers, I haven't even heard of them, and the other half I have heard of has never taught me before. (I doubt they even know if I exist)
I want all my oldddd teachers. ):



4. I am practically the only Asian in my English class.
That is actually really depressing. Being surrounded by so many non-Asians can be quite daunting, especially when I end up being the pariah of the class and sit in a corner by myself for the rest of the year.
It’s also quite scary, when my new teacher isn’t Asian either (LOL after the whole year with mskohromary, it feels quite weird), and has a rather… infamous reputation.
But I’ve known not to trust rumors of teachers biting students’ head off, because mskohromary was described to be the worst teacher on the planet, but she wasn’t that bad, so I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.



5. New classmates, new class combinations, new classrooms.
It is very interesting to take the same subjects as last year and see only half the students from my class last year together with me. It makes me wonder where the other half of the class has disappeared to.
I have always thought of certain people to be from certain classes, and to have that well-embedded assumption in my head getting all jumbled up all over again is very disorientating. D:
Not to mention, associating different classrooms with different subjects.
All of a sudden, English is no longer in D7, maths is no longer in D3 etc. etc.
Certainly takes some time to get used to.



6. New school times! (+free periods!)
OMG school starts at 9am! (and I only go to school at 11 on Wednesdays!)
Lalala so cool okay.
I can sleeeeeeeeeeeeep during free periods too. :D Although they are meant to be study periods, but whatever. Heh :D



7. Catching up with friends whom I have not met with for three months.
It is a very different experience from last year, where I went my first classes blindly, not being able to recognize anyone.
This year, it’s like, the moment we get our timetables we all go around frantically searching for people with whom we’ll be having classes with.
It is actually very fun, the frenzy of searching, the delight of finding someone who has the common classes with you, the relief that you won’t end up being a pariah (see above for said pariah situation), the disappointment that you don’t have a single class in common with some of your friends.



First days of school always surprise you, no matter how much you dread it. (:






Will be off for Residential (camp) tomorrow! Hehehehe.
(I'll probably start packing my bag at about 10pm tonight)

Last chance at freedom, before full steam ahead for Year12.


Yay me.

Last thoughts

With the prospect of school opening tomorrow, many people would be inclined to panic and finish up all their homework.
Well that must mean there certainly is something horribly wrong with me, because I can't seem to bring myself to panic at all.



Maybe I AM panicking, but it's the type of panic, where instead of spurring me to act and do something to alleviate the panic, I end up sitting there in shock and let the panic wash over me wave after wave.


Interestingly, I also find myself in what is called a Procrastination Loop.


(Click to enlarge)

Chart from http://www.projectsidewalk.com/images/flowchart2.jpg



I can't really decide whether to be excited to see the story of my life put so accurately in a chart, or to despair for exactly the same reason.



I just can't stop wandering around my house, eating, drinking, watching tv (although there really isn't anything to watch), sleeping, gazing at my computer for hours on end.
Simply put, I just can't stop doing everything but homework!

Okay I had this very weak attempt at reading Shark Net (I'm now about 1/5 into the book. Good job.), but ended up falling asleep.
HAHA



Maybe the reason why I'm so fidgety is because I'm excited for school.
I'm... not exactly excited per se, but I guess if we try to forget/ignore the pain of waking up at the unearthly hour of 7am again (and most certainly the torure of having had to finish three months worth of homework within a week), school reopening is not that bad.

We'll be reigning the school as seniors! :DDDDD


After all, 3 months of solid, aimless happy times is more than enough, considering the measly 2 week breaks we get throughout the whole year.

(Omg I'm excited to know the classes I'll be in!!! YAY for teachers! And YAY for.. um, people who are in the same classes with me!)





That being said, I still can't help but cling on to anything that would delay the starting of a whole new year of intense studying: I can't wait for Residential, our last school organised camp ever!

Nevermind that we'll probably be bombarded with countless talks about everything and anything regarding VCE, with the underlying message being "FAIL VCE AND YOU DIE", though it won't really be phrased that cruelly.




--


Men's Singles Final starting in barely 2 hours!
Omg exciting! :D


Go Nadal!
I'll so die if Federer wins. ):